After months of anticipation Facebook set the share price for its first public stock offering at $38 a pop. The price has been set steep, yet completely validated from such a social media juggernaut that’s made it’s final preparations for a record-breaking market debut Friday.

At $38 per share the planned stock sale is expected to raise $18.4 billion for the company. Early investors are geared to see a quick jump from the second-biggest offering from any U.S. company in history in terms of dollars raised. Only Visa’s $19.6 billion debut in 2008 has come close, making this a monumental moment for stock share holders and nerds of all kinds in the social media industry.

Those heavily invested are none other than Facebook CFO David Ebersman, who owns over $200M in options of restricted stock. Ebersman took the reins on Facebook’s initial public offering, and the CFO will own a giant figure come trading tomorrow.

In short, if you’re not in… you are about to miss out on what looks like the biggest single day day trading in recent years.

Like a lot of you, we were just as excited for this latest Neeson advanture and if we weren’t such cheep bastards, we would have shelled out $12 to see this on the big screen.

We are glad we didn’t.

Neeson stars as John Ottway, a sharpshooting wolf hunter who must lead a group of oil rig roughnecks on a death-defying trek through the Alaskan wilderness after their transport plane crashes on a remote mountaintop. The eight survivors must find their way back to civilization or perish in the frozen wasteland.

Sounds like a winner. You have Liam, wolves, a plane crash, oil rig roughnecks and they all intertwine in a frozen wilderness . It’s like the ultimate recipe for a ‘guy flick’. So what could go wrong?

It starts off slow and sad, introducing us to our hero and showing us that he’s a man at the end of his rope. He does have one “bad ass’ moment early on enough to remind us why we love Neeson so much. From there things start to look promising enough with one the most realistic pre and post plane crash scenes we’ve seen. You know it’s coming, but the movie keeps you guessing when and how it will happen, building up the tension and getting you closer to the edge of your seat. When it does finally come, it’s a rewarding moment, leaving you reeling from the realism of the situation the survivors are left in.

However, things start to go from believable to boring soon there after. The tension of many action scenes is momentarily broken by dream sequence shots of Neeson in bed with his lost love. For comparison, imagine that in the movie Taken, also starring Liam, every time his character in that movie was in an intense fight with a bad guy, the momentum would be interrupted by a flashback of him giving his daughter a piggy back ride. It just doesn’t seem to fit.

"You're being eaten by a wolf? That's cool, this scene will make it better."

The main protagonist(s) in The Grey is a pack of angry wolves who are set on murdering the surviving members of the flight, because wolves don’t like intruders on their turf. What at first comes off as a fearsome adversary, praying on the humans by attacking the week links, ends up as nothing more than shadows, bad prosthetic puppets for the close ups shots, and overly used sound effects of wolf growling and howling.

Even though the pack has the oilers outnumbered by about 5 to 1, they never attack full force, but rather sand in one wolf at a time to test the group. And this is a group of men suffering from crash injuries (ie. bleeding), freezing conditions, and with no real weapons to protect themselves with. The wolves have them surrounded from the start of the first night and could easily attack them as they all drift off to sleep, but for obvious plot driven reason, the hounds leave them be long enough for us to get to like these men. Except that we don’t, not really anyway.

We get a glimpse into all of the remaining characters’ back stories, but they do not build enough of a connection for us to miss them when they’re gone.

They beautiful scenery of the harsh frozen wilderness does send a mild shiver down your spine as you watch and hear the intense snow storms rip through from one scene to the next, but this too leaves you questioning the chances that our heroes would have in such hostile conditions. None of the guys wear any sort of protective gear on their faces, yet their noses and ears seem no worse for wear in such sub freezing and windy situations. Again, this to just doesn’t seem to fit.

The overall feeling one gets from watching The Grey is that the whole thing was, at some point, transformed from a straight up action thriller to some type of metaphor for the strength of the human spirit to survive in face of great tragedy, and with that change lost out on some funding.

We wish they would have just stuck to the wolves and Liam Neeson showing them how bad ass humans can be.

Movie rating on our scale: OK

Scale:

• EPIC        –  A must see movie that cannot be ignored!
• GREAT  -  You’ll regret not seeing this, because all your friends will.
• GOOD     -  You can wait for the DVD, it will be a good rainy night flick.
• OK             -  Worth a look, but not the end of the world if you skip it.
• CGIer      –  Go see this on the big screen, because all it’s good for is the CGI.
• MEH        –  I’ve seen better; kinda choked about the $ I wasted to see this in theaters.
• BLAH!    –  You need to really, really have nothing better to do; you’ll probably ask for $ back.

Like movies? Check out Remake This Movie, or our reviews of Hunger Games or Cabin In The Woods.

Other great articles by PolaKanadian: What Happened To Music, The Sixties, When Music Rocked, Become A Casino Host, Become An Astronaut

Michael Bay, he of the Transformers massacre fame, is slowly dismantling one of the most beloved child cartoons of the 90′s. Bay is currently working on a remake of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, scheduled to be released in December of next year, and he’s already making many an enemy with the TMNT loyal.

He was first attacked for announcing that the Turtles are going to be of alien origins, as in they will not be little mutated turtles from earth. This, of course, would pretty much change the very thing the main stars are, Mutant Turtles, and make them into the Teenage Alien Ninja Turtle-like-creatures. You can see why fans did not embrace this news with much applause.

"Damn it, Donna, I am not painting your toenails, again! Get a man!"

But Bay’s latest announcement is about to send a moon sized pile of turtle sh*t at a Michael Bay shaped fan.

For the new movie, Bay plans on making Donatello (the purple one) a female. We assume that by shooting time he/she will be referred to as Donatella. This has got to be one of the most asinine decisions in the history of the director’s list of senseless choices.

Bay does state that “I know what I’m doing, people are acting like I have never made a movie before(have you, Michael? Have you?).  Just because Donatello will be a female doesn’t mean the story will be any different, these are the same Turtles you grew up with.  You won’t even notice Donatello being any different.  She is still gonna be a computer geek, she is still gonna be all about science, and yes she will still use a bow staff.  I mean think about it, a hot geeky turtle chick? “

Say what now?

How in the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers do you think that changing a ninja crew that consists of MMMM to MMMF will in any way, shape, or costume form be the same? How can you state that we “won’t notice Donatello being any different”? If you are planning to make a “hot, geeky turtle chick” and expect your audience not to notice, you are really not giving TMNT fans any credit of knowing anything, ever.

Why even bother changing the sex of Don if we won’t notice it? What the hell is the point, Michael Bay!!?? AAAhhhh!

Let’s take a quick little peak into this new dynamic of MMFM…

Donatello/a will be a sister to these new ‘turtle alien whatevers’, or at least we assume she will, for if in Bay’s world the turtles are not related, well, let’s just say we all know what happens if you pen up there hormonal dudes in close, underground quarters and then throw a “hot, geeky chick” in the mix. You get a train, and not the kind you take your kids onto at the mall.

So we go back to the sibling thing, they’re all related. Donatello/a thus becomes the sister with three over protective brothers who never let her out of the house/sewer; they spend all their time in fights worrying about sis, and they have to mind their p’s & q’s around Donna when they’re all kicking back at the pad. No more locker room talk about April’s shell-less backside, if you get my drift.

"I don't think this is what turtle wax means, Splinter."

Or, Donatello/a is the older sister, and she nags on her younger brothers for all the things they do that are stupid, because remember, she’s going to be a geek, and geeky older sisters are not fun to hang with. This will result in the boys wanting to exclude Donna from their missions, because who wants to go into a fight against Shredder’s crew with your older dweeb sister along for the fight? No one, that’s who. Certainly not the audience. Which means that Splinter will have to tell the boys to respect their sister, and force them to hang out with her. We’ve all seen this happen at some point along in our growing up.

If you wanna make any of the male characters from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles world female, Mr. Bay, how about you do it in the genre that is best suited, and always makes the audience giddy, for that sort of creative freedom, porn.

Leave our childhoods be!

UPDATE: Apparently, we jumped the gun on this news. Turns out this was an April Fool’s joke…clearly we were too full of rage to read to the end of the original article. In our defense, based on Bay’s other announcements, we think we were justified in assuming this kind of idiocy could come from the director.  Oh well, at least we proved that there are diehard TMNT fans still out there; This article was posted on Reddit and the buzz from such a  rumor crashed our server for a couple hours.

Mom's favorite gifts, kisses.

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful women out there who continue to prolong the existence of the most destructive species this planet… Sorry, I’ve been watching too many Documentaries lately.

In all seriousness, Happy Mothers Day moms!

We all know we should be celebrating your love, patience and selflessness you show us each and every day, but we are all too spoiled to know just how good we have it because you care for us. Thank you, mom, for being so…you.

Now, since our guilt of the neglect we show these saints of our lives will result in millions of gifts given today, Slick Panda has compiled a guide to the Do’s and the Don’t Do’s of Mother’s Day gift giving…

This breakfast in bed moment has literally NEVER happened.

1. DON”T…

Give her the gift of breakfast in bed if you’re past the age of six. Up until then it’s still cute and mom’s love to see your creativity come through. Plus she gets a glimpse into your young mind and sees just what you think she does in the kitchen. But once you hit school age, it becomes an annoyance, because you probably still suck at cooking and have undoubtedly left a major mess for her to clean up. Instead…

DO…

Give her a Gift Certificate for the Spa. If you’re too young to buy one yourself, get the old man to pitch in. A relaxing hour or two at the spa getting massaged and pampered, all without the

All moms love a relaxing facial treatment. Don't be immature, please.

distraction of constant noise from TVs and video games or of unfinished house chores, is much more pleasing than eating burnt toast and under cooked pancakes in the same bed she wakes up in, day in and day out. Give your mom a reprieve from the everyday.

2. DON”T…

Buy her some fancy new kitchen accessory. This gift is basically like saying “Hey, mom, we know your cooking hasn’t ever really been that great, but now it’s just too foul. Here’s a new ‘shiny-mithing’ to help you, since you’ve obviously lost your way.” Unless your mom specifically asks, in writing, that she wants whatever you plan on buying, you’re better off getting her…

DO…

A night out at the best restaurant in your city, town, village. Yes, this may cost you a couple hundred dollars. What’s that? You can’t afford to spend that kind of money on the woman who brought you into this world going through more pain than a 1000 kicks to the groin combined?  Yes you can, the PlayStation/X-Box in your room says otherwise. And don’t go cheap on the wine or dessert.

If your mom knows how to build bombs, you have the best mom, ever.

3. DON”T…

Buy her power tools or electrical equipment. This is not Father’s Day. Buying her anything of this nature just scream “This gift is really for me, because I know you will never use it.” Most moms (there’s always an exception to every rule) do not have the time or care to set up sound systems or figure out the newest high tech gadget. Nor do they ever get the urge to chop firewood or build a dog house. If you want to give her something stimulating and engaging…

Because we all want to be proud of our mom's dancing skills.

DO…

Get her a certificate for Dance classes. No, this does not say that you think she’s a poor terpsichorean, this shows her that you want her to go out and have fun, to have some “me” time. It’s a simple, but staple truth, all woman love to dance, even your mom.

4. DON”T…

Buy her any clothing, of any kind. No sweaters, scarves, slippers, bathrobes, dresses, and absolutely no undergarments of any kind. Even if you’re her daughter, this last one is strictly a no no. She’s your mom and it’s not Valentine’s Day. Buying clothes for anyone is a sure way to either waste their time, because they will have to go and exchange your gift for being to big. Or, worst still, you will crush her self-esteem by getting something too small.

That's the only kind mess you should leave on the floor for her to clean up.

DO…

Take your mom on a Shopping Spree. Yes, this means you will have to spend hours together in a public place and for once you will be the one pulling your wallet out every five minutes to get her something that you “can’t afford right now”. She’s been taking you on shopping sprees since before you were even born, so suck it up and don’t forget to smile all the while.

5. DON”T…

Drop by for five minutes in the evening just before you go out with the boys/girls/whatever, drop off a generic Hallmark card and some roses, kiss her on the cheek and say “Love you, Mom, unconditionally!” You should be doing this every day (not the card and flowers thing), because like her’s, your unconditional love should never be bragged about. It should always be there, thick as thieves, between you two and you should tell her that every day.

Love her everyday, it's all she's ever asked for.

DO…

If you honestly cannot afford to shell out for even a card, don’t worry, your mom will not care. All she really wants is you. Mom’s have this funny thing for their kids called attachment and longing. If you’re at the age where you’re out of her house then you should plan to spend Mother’s Day, the whole thing, with your mom. Cancel all other plans and make some with her. If you still live at home, then ask your mom if she wants to go for a walk, or play a game, or just sit around and talk. Whatever you do, show her you care for her as much as she has cared for you.

Mother’s Day is no more than a day to remind us that we are all here because a woman loved just the possibility of you, that she dedicated her life to making you happen. You is what she has to show for that sacrifice, and she just calls it “my baby”.

Movie Cloud: the revolution of film.

When Netflix first came onto the scene, they were told they wouldn’t last. No one though that people would rather wait a couple of days to watch a new release over going to their local video store and picking up a copy that evening. Well, the critics didn’t realize two things. One, the majority of the movie watching public (ie. everyone, ever) is extremely lazy and will take a delivery service over a pick up one any day of the week, and two, Netflix knew it was just a matter of time before online movie rentals were ‘stream’lined.

Thanks to this pioneer, movie rental shops are going out of business, and people have almost no reason to leave the house past working hours. However, the content of these sites can leave some wanting more.

Enter Movie Cloud.

This revolutionary new movie sharing site is promising to give it’s member access to over 50,000 new releases every year! How is this possible? Is there even that many new movies made each year? According to it’s creators, Dov Simens and Derek Christopher, the answer is yes there is.

They point to Hollywood’s monopoly of the film industry as the reason why we, the movie viewing public, only get to see about 200 features a year, because those are the only films Hollywood allows onto the silver screen. The rest they say “never see the light of day, or dark of the theater.”

So they have developed Movie Cloud to not only give movie watchers a mammoth online catalog to choose from, but also a place for those struggling to make their own feature films, to secure funding and production help for their projects.

Movie Cloud says they will be able to offer $175 million in potential production funds to those who use Movie Cloud, to help all the thousands of aspiring movie makers make that leap into the mainstream.

That’s a pretty bold pledge, and one that will surely help build their ranks from all of the above mentioned future Stones, Spielbergs, Scorseses and so forth.

If they can deliver on all they claim their site will provide (and the supposed $270,000 already invested in the development of the site says they are not messing around), then Movie Cloud could become the premier place for movie viewing. If they find a way to build their own theaters, they may very well bring down the beast that is Hollywood.

To check out Movie Cloud, visit www.indiegogo.com/moviecloud

"Say 'Harry Potter highest opening weekend' one more time!"

Looks like Sammy L. has done it again. Jackson is already listed in the Guiness Book of Records as the Highest Grossing Actor Ever, with all his film appearances combined taking in over $7.4 BILLION!

And now he has The Avengers to add to this total.

Marvel’s newest big screen eye candy took in over $200.3 million domestically over the weekend, breaking the previous record of $169.2 million held by Harry Potter And The Deathly Hollows Part 2.

Add in it’s foreign market draw of $441.5 million and The Avengers is already showing a not too shabby return on it’s $200+ million budget.

But how many Oscars will it win...?

A few weeks ago, Slick Panda predicted this summer’s blockbuster winners and losers in Which Summer Movies Will Gross Out At The Box Office, stating that The Avengers would take in over $300 million and be second in box office revenue only to Batman The Dark Knight Rises.

We also predicted that Dark Knight Rises would be the movie to break the Opening Weekend records. We still stand by that forecast, it’s just a bigger record to break, is all. Batman’s got this.

Check back with us throughout the summer to see how our other predictions play out, and for more movie reviews.

Until then, go see The Avengers!

"Make it look real or we'll take back the crack!"

We’ve all been single at some point in our lives. Some of you may need to think back to your pre-teen days, you serial daters you, while some of you may be browsing through online dating sites right now, looking at singles profiles as you read this article.

If you do find yourself out there on the “market”, you most likely know very well that the internet is literally regurgitating dating websites by the bucket loads. We’ve all heard of sites like match.com, eharmony, hotornot and plentyofish plus many, many more of the standard “guy seeks girl for friendship/relationship/sex” type sites.

But where would the world wide web be without the creative minds who see a market and realize its potential to cater to very different tastes? If you feel that the above mentioned online dating sites are too broad for your liking, Slick Panda has compiled a list of 11 alternatives, each one providing service to very particular tastes.

Some are great, as they do serve specific demographics that can greatly benefit from the security and anonymity of the net, but others are…well, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Read on and you will see…

Tallmingle.com (site type: The Bad) – “Where Tall Friends And Singles Feel At Home”

This site connects and matches up people of above average height. Personally we do not understand the need for a site such as this. Is it really that difficult for tall people to meet compatible mates? The website states on their home page “ Here, you can interact with like-minded members, talk about relationships, current events, life, and more!” Do tall people have completely atypical views on life and current events from those of regular height? You’re tall! Not from some separate race of humans. Last we checked (we didn’t really check), being tall has never been a negative trait. Supermodels are tall. Athletes in many sports are paid swimming pools of cash for being tall. Tall, Dark & Handsome is THE premier type of male most woman seek out! Stop trying to make a big deal out of a non existent issue.  Be happy you don’t have to use a site like this…

Datingawidower.com (The Good)- “Starting a Relationship With a Man Who’s Starting Over”

You found the love of your life, you got married, and lived a beautiful and happy life together. But whether from an accident, unforeseen medical problem, or simply due to old age, your love has left you alone in this world. You take time to grieve, you reminisce about the great life you’ve shared, and decide to move on. Maybe your kids or other family members urge you to get out there and try to find a new companion to help fill the void. Undoubtedly this can be one of the toughest steps to take in life, and having to open up to each new potential partner could be like picking at a healing wound. With the help of this site you can feel easier, knowing that your past is already known by your date, and you can talk about it or leave it on the site.

Datemysinglekid (The Bad)- “Got a single kid? Now all members can find matches for their single kids,

"My Connor is such a sweet boy. Strongs hands, too." "Mom!!!"

as only they know how. (Nieces, nephews, grandaughters and grandsons are also welcome).”

Nieces, nephews, and grand kids! Seriously? Is there any respectable person over the age of 15 that would want to have a profile on this site? You can find this dating service on the FabOverFifty.com website. The founder of FOF decided she would take it upon herself to match up her son (clearly he’s a winner), and we guess she expanded from there to offer her friends and site members to do the same. We don’t think we need to dwell any more on the sheer lameness of this site. But hey, as long as mommy picks up the tab for the first date, why complain, right?

Theuglybugball.com (The Good) – Real Dating For Real People ” Aren’t you sick of all the lovey dovey dating sites that show perfectly pretty people walking hand in hand on a wind swept beach? We know it never turns out that like – at TUBB we deal in reality. If you are one of the millions of people that don’t always like what they see in the mirror, then this is the place for you!”

Yes, a website for ugly people. Straight in your face and not going to feel sorry for itself, just getting down to business. Ugly people need love too, and they’re the ones (not you Tallsees!) who must go through tons of rejections and uncomfortable situations like showing up on a first date (worst if it’s a blind date) and having the other person instantly makes up their mind about you based on looks alone. This site fills a much needed hole in the social/dating scene, and we salute those who are not afraid to join up and say, “I’m ugly, now who wants to bone?”

Beautifulpeople.com (Bad & Ugly) – “A dating site where existing members hold the key to the door.”

Beautiful people have special poses the rest of us don't, and lions.

This is the closest thing you will find to a site mission statement on the home page of this beyond unbelievable dating site. You will, however, find the word ‘beautiful‘ (or variation of) used a total of eight times. This site is not going to let you forget who uses it, f*cking beautiful people, that’s who! And yes, you have to be “voted in” as being beautiful by the existing members in order to gain access to the site’s profiles. Not being beautiful ourselves, we never realized how difficult it must be for beautiful people to meet other beautiful people in clubs, bars, or while shopping, jogging, walking, sitting on a bench, waiting for a light to change, breathing. Those poor beautiful bastards. (Look, we can overuse the word beautiful, too!)

420dating.com (The Good) – No Site heading.

So, the designers of a site for pot heads did not have the creative energy to include even a one sentence description of what the aim of this dating site is… sounds about right. The site name should be very self explanatory, so if you don’t know what 420 refers to, ask anyone around you right now, seriously. What we like about this site is the fact it’s at least trying to engage stoners in being socially active outside of their couch and video games. Let’s just hope they don’t procreate too much.

Sugardaddie.com (The Bad?) –  ‘Where the classy, attractive and affluent meet.”

There are now numerous amounts of these types of sites that help  special types of women (read: hookers in denial) find special types of men (read: too rich and too busy to give a shit) find each other. Sugardaddie.com state that they are “the first and original Sugar Daddy site. We started it all!” Now, we don’t really see any issue with this site based on morals or necessity, but we do feel it verges on the bad side for one reason. It’s taken all the skill and brains that the gold diggers of days gone by needed to learn in order to score themselves a permanent meal ticket. These sites have taken what was once a time honored profession and cheapened it beyond repair. Gold Digging used to stand for something, damn it!

He thinks she's reaching for his di...nope, just his wallet.

Watch the movie Red State. May change your mind of chasing cougar ass.

Dateacougar.com (The Ugly?) - “Date a Cougar is a dating site dedicated for singles looking to Date Older Beautiful women. This site is the premier cougar dating site for single guys looking to meet a rich older cougar who likes young guys and sex.”

So, here’s the other side of the coin when it comes to people dating (read: sexing) other people for money. Why we think this site verges on ugly (and the multitudes of others like it) is because of this: If women with access to large amounts of disposable income (which they can use on multitudes of beatifying procedures, cosmetics, workout & diet plans) are having troubles finding men willing to sleep with them, then what kind of chances do the rest of us have?

"I'd date a mirror, but medical bills for lacerated genitals are ridiculous!"

Findyourfacemate.com(The Ugly) – “Smarter. Faster. Easier. No long questionnaires. Upload photo, get face matched, find your face mate.”

Listen, if you can’t admit to yourself that you are so narcissistic that you would sign up to a dating site that is no more that a computer program designed to find another you for you to gush over; which takes no other variables into consideration, but has only one goal, to find you a match that is you but of the opposite sex, well, then you should just pray that a site like that comes.. along soon… oh wait. Nevermind, good for you Mr.Ego and Ms.Vanity. As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Positivedating.com (The  Uber Good) – “Positive Dating offers positive singles a secure and friendly place to be open about their STD.”

The news that one of your family members has died. Finding out you are being cheated on by the love of your life. Getting notice that you are being audited. The doctor telling you that the sweet, young hottie you took home last week, or that the smooth talking guy from the bar last night left more behind on the morning after than just stains on your sheets… these are all examples of some of the more devastating news one can get. Finding out you’ve been ushered into the STD club is not an easy pill to swallow. If you’ve been unfortunate to find yourself in this category, your dating life from that point on can become a slightly uncomfortable endeavour. With Positivedating.com, your dirty shame is probably just as dirty as the person you’re messaging. This is another one of those sites that takes a really hard life situation and eases the burden for it’s members.

Ashleymadison.com (The Bad, The Ugly and The Sleeziest) - “Life is short. Have an affair.”

We won’t even justify this site with a rant or a link. If you want to go to this site, then copy and paste the name yourself, sleaze bag. We will say one thing, though. Premeditated affairs are like anything else premeditated with a negative fallout, remember that.

Translates to: Time for Tequila!

There are plenty of holidays and special occasions throughout the year that give reason to unbridled dancing, drinking and general acts of immaturity. Christmas gives us Rum & ‘Nog, St.Patrick’s Day rivers of Irish Whiskey and green beer, New Years pyramids of Champagne flutes, and Halloween anything that travels well. But no other day of celebration gives us as much excuse to guzzle down gallons of tequila like Cinco De Mayo.

The Latin holiday, that is most often mistakenly labeled as Mexican Independence Day, is actually a celebration of The Battle of Puebla, and it goes a little something like this…

Yet another reason do bag on the French.

In the mid 1800′s,  Mexico owed money to a number of European countries, but in 1861 they went defaulted on their loan and stopped paying, because “Europe is so far away, they won’t bother coming to collect, primo.”  France, however, whose army hadn’t been defeated in 50 years, decided they liked having money rather a lot, so they went over to Mexico’s casa to collect and while they were there, take the country over. French forces were larger, better equipped and better trained and already really annoying.  However, on May 5, 1862, near the city of Puebla, Mexicans armed with pitchforks and limited weaponry won the battle, of Puebla. They drove the French off, those putas… until a year later when the French managed  to take over after all. Still, Cinco de Mayo commemorates that brave and unlikely battle.

Nowadays, Cinco De Mayo is an excuse for American and Mexican gente to raise high their bottles of tequila, smash paper mache animals, dress in sombreros and ponchos, and dance (or attempt) to mariachi and other Latin rhythms.

With only a day to go, Slick Panda is going to help you out, so you can make the best out of your Día De La Batalla De Puebla… Cinco De Mayo if you haven’t caught on yet.

The decorations we are sure will be easy enough to find at any local costume, thrift, or party store. If you can’t find one near you, check out pinataboy.com for help making your own paper mache monster to hit home runs off of.

For an easy poncho, simply grab any old throw blanket, or steal one from your granny, cut a head sized hole in the centre, and presto! Home made poncho.

For a sombrero, get some construction paper, black works best, cut out a hole in the center so that it fits around any baseball cap, and staple or tape it in place. You are now ready to go out and get the staple ingredients of any respectable Cinco De Mayo fiesta.

THE BOOZE! WE MUST HAVE THE BOOZE!

You will most likely go for the staples of Jose Cuervo and/or Corona. But if you are willing to shell out a few extra pesos, and look a little farther than your local corner store or Liquor stop, you may try some of these:

TEQUILAS WORTH THE MORNING AFTER HANGOVER: 

So sexy it almost hurts to drink it, almost.

Don Pilar Tequila Anejo ($35- $70) – “is crafted from 100% Blue Agave which is estate grown in the magical Highlands of Jalisco. Don Jose Pilar Contreras, son of these magical lands, uses unique, artisanal methods to create this fine Tequila.” (94 rating by Tequila.net)

Tequila Marquez de Valencia Resposado ($35- $70) -  ”is a limited production 100% Agave Tequila. With our strict guidelines, only the highest quality ingredients meet our requirements. The beautiful and succulent Tequilana Weber Blue Agave is chosen is based on color, size, age and taste.” (93 rating on Tequila.net)

Claro never looked so caro, but so worth it.

Tequila Don Julio 70 Anejo Claro ($35- $70) - “ is a truly unique product that redefines the Añejo tequila category by embodying the rich, complex flavor of a traditional 100% Agave Añejo in a liquid that is filtered to become a clear spirit. This extraordinary tequila represents another evolution in the tequila category and marks the world’s first clear Añejo, pioneered by Tequila Don Julio.” (91 rating on Tequila.net)

El Caballo Estrella Tequila Anejo($1 – $35!!) -  is 100% Agave and aged in oak whiskey barrels from Europe for over 12 months. (Judge favorite on Tequila.net)

UNA CERVEZA POR FAVOR:

Bud has never looked so classy...

Bud Light Chelada - A chelada is a concoction of beer with Clamato, lime, and salt, and this one comes ready made in a can!

Negra Modelo - This is perhaps the best dark lager brewed in all of the Americas. It’s not very heavy and the full-body taste leaves the mouth clapping for more. It’s rich and not too filling, which even non-dark beer drinkers can enjoy.

Carta Blanca - Incredibly smooth, crisp, and refreshing. Carta Blanca is a beer you don’t prefer too often, and when you do it’s because you want some selection. It’s very light, and if you take too long in drinking it, you might wind up with a flat beer. So drink up!

Victoria - Victoria is a great beer similar to Modelo Especial (not negro)  but slightly more bitter and until recently, it was only available in Mexico. It is now exported to select cities in the States so you ought to feel special if you find them in your area.

"Yes, we will use sex to sell our beer." and we will buy it.

Tecate – Super cheap, tastes good enough ice cold, a better alternative to Corona, Sol or Pacifico… and has a sweet label.

Once you’ve stocked up the the liquids, you will need to get some grub to help absorb even a bit of the poison you’re about to ingest.

Some favorites that will make your party complete…

All veggies, all awesomeness.

Salsa – Throw some Tomatoes, tomato paste, cilantro, red or white onion, salt, pepper, garlic powder and some jalapeno if you fancy the spicy into a blender and give it a whirl.

Guacamole – Avocados, cilantro, paprika, margarita salt, pepper, red onion, lime juice. Chop chop chop or blend blend blend.

For the bigger staple foods, we recommend ordering out if you’ve never made your own enchiladas, tacos, burritos, etc. before. Don’t be a hero, let a pro handle it.

For your music choice, we suggest Viva El Mariachi by Nati Mariachi Los Camperos Cano.

Lastly, make sure you have a safe and secure place to hide everyone’s car keys. This is one party no one should be trying to drive away from.

Don't think you don't look as ridiculous, cause you do.

Viva El Mariachi by Nati Mariachi Los Camperos Cano